Redemption: Sir Luscious Leftfoot vs. Mentally Ill

[Austin Starr]

Sir Luscious Leftfoot vs Mentally Ill

Sir Luscious Leftfoot and Mentally Ill are two of the more unique characters spawned in SCW. These two have already met once with Ill getting the count out victory. On this final show, I'm sure the self proclaimed "King Ding-a-Ling of the Swing" will be looking to settle the score.

[Mentally Ill]

The scene starts in starts in the living room of Mentally ill’s house and he’s looking at Rashanda.

Rashanda: Like my new couch

Mentally Ill: What, no that’s my couch.

Rashanda: Well I did buy it

Mentally Ill: What did you say Darkness…?

Rashanda: I’m just saying…

Suddenly mentally ill round house kicks her, and he stops briefly circling around for a second round house kick, and Rashanda starts crying…

Mentally Ill: ROAD HOUSE!!!!!!

Rashanda: Why did you do that ill?

Mentally Ill: Because I that’s my favorite movie chocolate milk.

Mentally ill runs around the house out of excitement and jumps up and down and starts clapping his hands. Looking at every wall in the house and looking at every wall you can see a picture in a picture frame, and in every picture if you were to look at it you would see the number 7…. And oddly a randomly placed picture of Charlie Murphy, suddenly the door bell rings.

Ding …Ding

Mentally ill runs towards the door and when he gets there he opens it and to his surprise he was greeting by a man.

Sir Luscious Right Foot: Fuck you couch nigs, this is my house and now where is sexual chocolate.

Mentally Ill: For a second I thought you might be Sir Luscious Left foot but I can clearly tell who you really are its Charlie Murphy….. Number 7……

Mentally ill spins around and kicks him, then he spins around and kicks him again….and then he head butts him and picks him up drags him through the house and throws him through the window.

Mentally Ill: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAD HHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUSSSSEE!!!!!!!

Just then the phone rings and Mentally ill gets all excited and he runs to the phone and once he gets there he picks it up and a voice that sounds like Billy Cosby Answers..

Bill Cob Corn: You’ve been a bad boy Ill, with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…. Running around and doing the doodie woodie and people’s newspapers…. I’ve started taking notice on youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu….I’ve seen youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu going around smacking people, throwing your dooodie woodie diaper at people, beating people with chicken, I’ve seeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnn you round house kicking people like Patrick Swayze… or was it Patrick Gravy. I’ve seen you bad behavior and now I won’t get it good in for you ill, I will not, and I stress not………….one more time for those young ears of yours I will not put a good word in for you to meet the best person in the Brady Bunch. We all know you want to Meet Slim Brady…

Mentally Ill: No I like the Brady Bunch please let me meet Slim Brady.

Bill Cob Corn: Then be good ill, and change your habits, I sent him over to your house in good faith now good bye.

Mentally Ill: Number seven……………

Just then a chopper sound can be heard and Mentally ill gets excited, and crack head Steve comes out the bathroom with toilet paper hanging down and a rancid smell….

Crack Head Steve: What’s going on?

Mentally Ill: Quick let’s get to the CHOPPPA!!!!

Ill and Steve run out and watch as a guy with his hair dyed red comes out of the chopper.

Slim Brady Impersonator: Hi I’m Slim Brady. Dr. Day sent me.

Mentally Ill: No you not, where is the Real Slim Brady. Can somebody tell The Real Slim Brady to please stand up?

Just then Mentally ill spins around kicks him, he spins around and kicks him again, then he spins around and round house kicks him making him fall over a bleed. Then Mentally ill looks away.

Mentally Ill: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD HOUUUUUUUUUUUSEEEEE!!!!!!!

The Scene Fades to Black

[Sir Luscious Leftfoot]

You can't mess wit me dude
Cause I'm just so luscious
Ohhhh yeah

Now I know all my negroes out dere been wonderin where the Big Leftfoot been at, you know what I'm sayin. It's simple ba-bay, me and my peoples, Barack and Mexican Santa Claus have been going on a worldwide kitten chase.

Why the little kitty cats you be thinkin? Leftfoot; was-up-wit-dat? Right? Well let me tell you my brother, when I feel the soft and luscious fur between my fingers, that's when all the best ideas be start flowin from my soul tank. Like with this rematch I got with that Mentally Ill cat. You see last time he tricked me with that dance game, you know what I'm sayin doo. But this time, after I petted my little kitty cat for a few hours doo, it came to me.

This time I gotta beat him doo, you know what I'm sayin.

I remember that my head was hurtin so bad though doo from thinkin so hard and pettin my kitty so hard that I called for Mexican Santa Claus to bring me some aspirin.

Mexican Santa Claus: Miztir Leftfoot Sur. What iz an azzperin?

Luscious Leftfoot: The feel good pills man, what's up wit you doo? Why you trippin on me mane?

I see Mexican Santa Claus nod and take a little bottle out of his pocket. He pops the top and hands me a couple of pills.

Luscious Leftfoot: Are deez aspirins supposed to be blue mane?

Mexican Santa Claus: Ohhh yes yes sir, these make you happy man.

I popped the two pills and then went back to touchin my kitty; a few minutes later though I noticed myself feelin kinda weird. All of a sudden I felt the Love Stick comin to life. Was-up-wit-dat? I throw the kitty to Mexican Santa Claus's friend, the Asian tooth fairy. I seen her grab the kitty and mumble something about rice as she fluttered away to the kitchen. I went to the bathroom and sho enough mane, the love stick was propped up and ready to go. Was-up-wit-this?

Luscious Leftfoot: Yo Mexico, get yo be-hind over here b. What kinda hocus pocusy pill did you gave me mane?

Mexican Santa Claus runs up with some salsa in his mustache looking at me.

Luscious Leftfoot: Did you hear me Mexico? I asked you for some aspirin mane, to make my head feel good and now dis happens? What did you give me b?

Mexican Santa Claus takes the bottle out of his pocket and shows it to me. Not knowing how to read or say that hokey pokey language those brown guys speak, I only see one word that I can make out. Viagra. WHAT!

Luscious Leftfoot: You gave me Viagra, the old man pill b. Are you messed in yo head my nig?

Mexican Santa Claus: You said you wanted your head to feel good Miztir Leftfoot Sir. Dis will make your head pain go away.

5 Hours Later

So its been five hours now mane and this Love Stick is still up, I called my mane Barack O-Drama and showed him what had happened, hopin he'd know what to do b.

Barack: You need to go to the hospital b, they have a shot for that.

Luscious Leftfoot: I aint doin no needles mane, no hospitals or any of that druggy stuff with old men touchin my special stuff doo. Can you do it for me?

Barack: Are you out of your mine doo? That's some seriously gay stuff mane?

Luscious Leftfoot: Come on doo, I'd do it for you doo?

Barack: You better not tell anybody doo

Me and Barack look around for a minute till we find a turkey baster, it's the closest thing I gots to a needle. So then I drop my stuff and I feel a little gross, I can see Barack kinda grossed out as well. He then goes to stab it as the door opens and Mexican Santa Claus is standing there.

Mexican Santa Claus: AIIII YI YI !!!! ITS BLACK ON BLACK CRIME!!!! AY YI YI !!!!!!! SOMEBODY CALL DOCTER DRAY!!!!! AHHHH

Mexican Santa Claus runs away as I quickly pull my pants up.

Fuck

We then run away after Mexican Santa Claus.